This will seem obvious to you.
As it should.
Can you think of anyone who does it consistently though? (Because we know you probably don’t, do you?)
Before get your teeth into it, let’s make something abundantly clear.
If you want to learn how to converse masterfully, go fracking tawk with people. Learn how to ask questions and listen. As with all things, learning is in doing.
But once you’ve got yourself out there and you can start learning deliberately, there’s one thing you can start doing immediately – and effectively – even if you just dropped from Phobos.
It requires no prior knowledge or experience of anything because what it takes is nothing. It literally requires you to do nothing.
For three seconds, pause before you reengage your interlocutor.
Pause before you ask a question, share a thought, give a response. And definitely when you’re not in the right emotional dynamic.
Again, this may seem obvious, but who does it consistently?
The advantages are many, but there are three YUGE benefits it gives you: two immediate, the other long-term and incredibly valuable.
The most obvious one is that you get to catch your breath before you say something stupid. If you pause before indulging your urge to speak, you will often find that nothing good will come of it. So you might shut your pie-hole and move on to something that serves you better.
Sometimes not saying what you want to say comes down to the social dynamic itself, regardless of whatever brilliant insight you have to give to the world. In certain situations, it just doesn’t work to your advantage speak at all, full stop. It’s not your place or the time isn’t right. Whatever. Pausing allows you to become Aware and shut it.
There is also a mechanical aspect to speaking too quickly that goes beyond appropriateness or content. A lot of moviemaking is about cutting at the right pace. The same applies to conversation. Some people would wrongly assume that what gives you verbal power is the ability to talk loudly or quickly. No doubt, those are useful skills, but the power is with whoever paces the conversation.
If you pause before you speak, you will gain power in most conversations even if your experience and social awareness is very low. Because most people are very easy to pace. And the fact of pacing is more important than the type of pacing itself. Don’t believe me, just try it.
This is especially valuable in negotiations. If you don’t respond immediately, people will just resume talking and start negotiating with themselves. Or divulge important information. Or reveal their emotional situation. You absolutely want to let them do those things.
And you easily can encourage them by simply pausing before you speak. (Hint: Pick-ups are negotiations, as are marriage proposals and sales meetings.)
Just like I’m pausing right now to remind you that you can become a supporter by clicking here: https://www.patreon.com/join/startupdaemon
You don’t have to. But you can, if you find value.
Talking too fast is a speech impediment of epidemic proportions among the lo-awarenes mass. I’m often guilty of it myself and it bothers me deeply.
When you twak quickly, you can’t articulate, enunciate and music your speech properly. You appear rushed and insecure, even if you’re delivering a speech you’ve been doing for months. Pausing before getting into the next thing naturally helps you pace yourself down without having to think about it (and make it worse) while you’re actually speaking.
If this were the only benefit, it would be seven times worth it in its own right.
Because slowing down your speaking gives you heft and room to be thoughtful and deliberate in what you say and how you say it. If you pause before you talk, you will gradually condition yourself to speak more slowly and be more Aware while doing it.
Pause before you talk. Then click here and become a supporter: https://www.patreon.com/join/startupdaemon